IS YOUR NAME ON THE LIST?

The stuff about the Ashley Madison website leak got me thinking in a completely different direction than most people. The news has been filled with gossip about what celebrities are on the list, or fear mongering about whether or not you have been outed as seeking an affair.

Oh, I guess I should back up – in case you did not know, Ashley Madison is a web site, sort of like a dating web site, for people looking to have affairs. You register, upload a profile, and see if anyone wants to step out with you...

Seems that a hacker got into their database and stole the email addresses from every single profile. Many people used their mail addresses linked to their names, brettanningson@ for example – but nonetheless if you know your significant others email accounts you can check out online whether or not they strayed.

32 million email addresses to be precise.

So this is what got me thinking... do you know how many married couples there are in North America? Although it probably changes daily – especially after this leak – but we are talking somewhere in the vicinity of 59 million married couples in the US while there are somewhere around nine and a half million in Canada.

So we all know that only about 50 % of marriages last. Now it seems that 50% of the remaining are having affairs. (I know, there is overlap there – but go along with the reasoning because it is a staggering amount of people arranging affairs on ONE dating site... so how many are doing it at work, on the bus, or with their ex?)

The morally outraged all immediately started yelling, “What is wrong with people?!”

I want us to look at the other side, “What is wrong with marriage!?”

Because this is where I suspect the problem lies...

We live in a world that is getting more and more private and small. Groups of friends are diminishing and marriage has become THE place where you are supposed to find love, support, companionship etc.

What we have actually set up in the modern world is a guaranteed formula for loneliness.
(and yes, people who have affairs are lonely. That is the whole thing. They are not morally bankrupt or sexually deviant, they are looking for someone to make them feel less lonely)

Somewhere along the way society bought into the fairy tale that one day I will meet the one person, the soul mate, the ideal companion, and then I would not need anyone else... ever... then I would never desire another woman or man... then my eyes would not even stray, nor would I feel any desire to share emotional or intimate details with anyone else....

I think most of us can count our friends on one hand. And most of those friends are people we socialize with, not intimate companions on the journey of life....

And this is WRONG!

I cannot be everything for one person, and neither can one person be everything to me. I need someone to complain about work to, I need someone to complain about my spouse to, I need someone to flirt, with when I am out dancing, I need someone to compete with, I need someone I look up to... and the list goes on.... we all need a variety of relationships for a variety of reasons... and we need them with a variety of people.

I have long said that this whole two person and kids lifestyle we have created is crazy making – we should have larger families, multiple partners, many friends, communal living – whatever it takes to get to a point where we create a world of fulfillment instead of loneliness.

This is what I am taking from the Ashley Madison leak.

There are more than 32 million people out there in North America that feel fundamentally lonely. And until we change relationships to be more than they currently are – this is just going to continue, and that is just sad.

AFFIRMING Those people over there...

This past week I was part of a process which led to a whole region of the United Church of Canada becoming Affirming.

This means Maritime Conference is now part of a specific organization whose stated mandate is this:

Affirm United

Working for the full inclusion of people of all sexual orientations and gender identities in The United Church of Canada and in society.

Who We Are

Affirm United/S’affirmer Ensemble is a justice-oriented organization of people in The United Church of Canada.  Membership is open to those who support our work, regardless of sexual orientation and gender identity.

We Draw Our Vision from Our Faith Tradition

Affirm United/S’affirmer Ensemble is a voice and a support for people of all sexual orientations and gender identities.  We draw strength and hope from biblical stories of liberation; from the prophetic call to live justly, love tenderly, and walk humbly with God; and from Jesus’ witness to God’s inclusive love.


The process of joining this group, and of officially working through how a court of the church becomes affirming of different aspects of sexuality and gender was a long one - like, years long, and an interesting one involving group discussion and dissent.

There are a few bits of learning I took away from this...  the first should be obvious but it is not...

We sat at table groups of about 8 people... that is like, 700 people divided by 8 in case you are wondering how many round tables you can fit in a hockey rink... and at each table I sat at over 3 years, people always talked about them... I don't know who they are, the gays? the lesbians, you know, those people over there with their agendas and ideas who just want to make waves.

In fact, at one meeting someone actually named names - this is just because x and y want to feel included...

What shocked me about this is that people really think that out of 700 people 2 of them are gay, bi, questioning, non gender binary etc,... not only is that not true. I bet there was someone at each table who fits the non traditional gender sexuality stereotype.

Secondly, and I admit this took me a day or two to think through, there was a move to water down the impact, perhaps with good intention, in order to get it passed. So affirming sexuality became affirming disability, affirming language, affirming ethnicity etc. I mean, you cannot say that you are going to discriminate against black people, so... if we make it an omnibus bill then people will pass it based on something else other than the so called gay agenda...

What I did not see until someone had the courage to speak it aloud, was how hurtful this had become to those of us with non traditional sexuality who were finally supposed to get accepted and once more just became part of the crowd of those who are discriminated against. The focus was lost - and so was the justice and forgiveness aspect. It was hurtful to say that we only care about sexuality as a small part of identity.

Again, we can only do that because we think there are two or three of them over there against the other wall.

When I first came to New Brunswick to work in the church I had a conversation with a church clerk of session. They did not want me to put a gay pride parade advertizement in the bulletin. They told me that they have never met a gay person, and that it did not apply to their church because there were no gay people... no gay relatives... no one. I was truly shocked at the level of denial.

I personally have come to barely believe in straight people. I mean, there might be a couple of them out there. But my experience tells me that almost no one is completely heterosexual, or completely masculine, or completely feminine.

I once read a book about South Africa. It was a novel, but it had this point woven into the storyline that stuck with me. The book was about the settlement of South Africa by the dutch, and centuries passed, and the apartheid system made racism a state mandated truth... and then someone took some blood samples... it seems there was not a single dutch family that did not have black DNA. After all, we are talking hundreds of years here... surely someone fell in love with a neighbour in all that time?

You see, they are almost always us. Those people over there... whether we are criticizing their race, their earnings, their intelligence, or their sexuality... they are not really different from us at all, they just seem that way.

And we need to accept that there is a part of us in them. That Jesus guy once said something about anyone who thinks they are without sin casting the first stone.... and if we are honest, there would never be a stone cast at anyone.


Thank God that we sometimes rise above this need to draw lines in the sand. And thank God there are people and places like Affirm and Maritime Conference, which seek to make the world a little more filled with love.

Sun Daze

I have written before about the natural rhythm of the Canadian Homo Sapiens. It is a strange and sun driven thing that falls somewhere between that of a Bear and a Penguin. You see, like both of those species of animal, the seasons really matter to us Canadians - as we basically have two - life and summer.

Define these however you want: Winter and Summer, Ice and Patio, Indoors and Outdoors, Hockey and Fishing... the thing is there are simply two seasons that are diametrically opposed.

Other countries and states probably have the same experience - at least our Nordic brethren; like Norway, Sweden, Russia, Alaskans... Life is measured between the blue clear sunshine of one season and the gray ice covered beauty of another.

In Canada we have adapted in surprising ways... winter tires, for example, are the norm - we put all seasons on for a few months after the thaw. We work harder and longer until that luscious period between Victoria Day and Labour Day when school work slows down, people always seem to be missing on the weekends, meetings dry up and we essentially spend our days out on the patio  with a BBQ and a beer.

Universities run September to mid April. It is no coincidence. This is the pattern we see life in.

For those of you who think that 70 hours a week is necessary and that sunshine be damned I am going to stay in my office until this report is done! I want you to consider two stories I heard. The first was in a leadership training class at Queen's Business school when the professor said this:

In life you have to think about two tables that you will be sitting around - the dinner table in your house, and the boardroom table in your office. Now... think about the week after you die of a heart attack, Then think about a month later, then think about a year later. At which table will you be missed?

Secondly, consider our more advanced sisters and brothers across the pond (or in fact around the world). Most of European workers get a minimum of 20 and sometimes 30 days off a year. Canadians are guaranteed 10. Americans get nothing guaranteed. 

Get a Full list Here if you are interested.

It is a sickness, this idea that work defines us and that we can only have a meaningful life by making money. The truth is that the enjoyment of life as it is offered is far more important to our mental, physical and emotional health. We need to be getting out there into the sunshine, we need to be getting to the beach, we need to relax!

Going to a Concert

You know... It used to be that you could read the paper online here in New Brunswick. It was a fun time for me because the content was actually tagged in the news service - so I would end up googling and finding stuff I wrote quoted in a lot of far-flung places. I once wrote an article talking about something in China and for about a year ever time I got spam it was in Mandarin, and every time I googled myself a third of the sites were in China. Alas, those days are gone and because the Times & Transcript is behind a pay wall, no one ever sees the things I write.

I can post it the day after it appears in the paper - but really, how many of you are interested in day late news stories about the arts ;) Well, today, I am going to a concert tonight that played last night in Moncton - which is where I wrote the story for. But the interviewing and writing process made me want to see the show... which often happens, I am not always free to do it however... this time the fates worked out... So if you are in Fredericton tonight and want to be entertained... Go see this show, LEGENDS. And give me a wave.

Even if you are not there... here is a sample of what I do for the paper.... I write about lifestyle events and artists of all sorts who are coming to Moncton. That is, when I am not writing for my main gig at Arabella or working on my own science fiction... grin.

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What if you could see some of the legends of music live on stage? What if you could sit down for four distinct concerts that show you some of the best performances ever by some of the best stage performers of all times? That is what the show Legends Live promises you as it brings Cher, Rod Stewart, Tom Jones and Michael Jackson to the Capitol stage on Thursday night!

Okay, it is a tribute show – it is not actually Michael Jackson returned from the stage in all his Thriller glory – it is Bishop Soul starring as Michael – just as it is Doug Varty doing Rod and Kara Chandler as Cher with Dave Lafame as Tom Jones. Still – you are going to swear you saw the real thing.

“We put this show together with some of the best talent that there is,” explains Garry Lichach of Bounty Enterprises, “And what we do is spend the time to get it right. This show is note for note, chord for chord – everything you would have heard on one of their records reproduced. We do not do our own arrangements or anything, we recreate the work of the artists.”

These are the same people who brought Abbamania and Night Fever to the Moncton audiences, both shows which were so perfect you would have sworn you saw the Abba and the Bee Gees live.

“I mean, it is a live show too,” Garry continues “These people are actors and performers of the highest calibre. There is comedy and there are moments when they speak right to the heart of the crowd, you are drawn into believing they are the real deal.”

Garry was in Los Angeles a little while ago where there are street performers doing tributes all the time, “It is amazing to watch,” he continues, “because no matter what everyone stops what they are doing to catch the show. And this is just on the side of the street... There is nostalgia involved here, and a sense of wonder; I mean, we hear the song Maggie Mae and we are immediately taken back to the past. How much more true is it if you are watching someone who looks like Rod Stewart sing it!”

And that is just it, that is what makes tribute bands so popular all over the world, they make us remember. We are cast back to the first time we heard Michael Jackson on the radio and when we close our eyes, it is that scene which plays out in front of us – then we open them and lo and behold, Michael is on the stage. Or at least, we can suspend disbelief long enough to think it might just be possible.

Now imagine two and a half hours of stage show with four artists that there is a good chance none of us will ever see perform live. That is the second thing about this, it allows us to do something we cannot normally do, or in the case of Michael, is impossible to do. To see a live show with a performer that we have only heard about in mythical ways before this...

“I booked all the entertainment for the Canadian National Exhibition for twenty years,” explains Garry, “ and during that time I got to see not only who was the best, but what a crowd tribute bands could bring in. Everyone loves to revisit their best memories – but the performers have to be the best, and these people are magic!”

Garry has been in the business for 45 years and he puts together shows that are going to sell out. Abbamania and Night Fever are critically acclaimed – because it is all about getting things right. As Garry explains finding the right artist is only the first step – then you need to find the best studio musicians, and then the best engineers, and then you spend months going over and over the performances – figuring out the best reverb for that song, or the way the harmonics fit in this number. And the result is a show unlike any other; one where you can honestly feel like you have seen Tom Jones perform!

“So, I mean, if you do not enjoy live music you might as well stay home,” Garry laughs, “but if you are a fan of music then there is going to be something for you at this show! Maybe you love Cher, or Rod Stewart, Or Tom Jones, or Michael Jackson – even if only one of them is your favourite, you are going to hear all of their hits. But even if you just love music this is going to be a show to remember, these are the best live performers out there. Besides, I guarantee there is some song in the mix that will take you back... After the show there is a chance to talk to the performers, to get an autograph, it is great. You are going to walk away from this show thinking, Oh my God, I just saw Michael Jackson in concert!”

Finally - The Pallor of Death Removed

The sun beats down on my office window.
The cadence of dropping water beating time to my burdened heart.
Too long locked in the icy grips of death,
Too long diminished by surrounding darkness.
Too long the winter of my soul languishes in desperation.

But no, Spring is here - foul weather beside - today the sun is shining merrily on the dappled ice and snow of my fair city and I will wondrously come alive once more to the possibility of life.

And you? Does darkness burden your soul? Do you feel the binds of grayish clouds and mouldering cold? Do you, as this modern age has scientifically neutered language to express, feel SAD?

I remember when first I saw a television advertisement asking, plaintively, do you feel like you are on the outside in a group of people? Do you feel that you have trouble initiating conversation? New people make you nervous? Well, you may be affected with Social Anxiety Disorder and are in need of a complete chemical change of brain chemistry!

(as you can see, SAD means many things to many a sufferer)

No - Dammit - You are shy! This is not an illness to be born in shame! Shy people are necessary to make flirting far more fun! You do not need Xanax! You need a shot of rum and a lame joke up your sleeve to break the ice. Or sit in the background and watch people for God's sake. It is fun!

(Of course I write this while off my own meds - so take it with a grain of salt)

Seasonal Affective Disorder - another moniker adopted to try and de-normalize a normal feeling - is very real... why, when I was growing up we called it shack wacky - which is far more fun to say! All disorders are real, but they are not disorders, they are states of being - this is my point - Social Anxiety is shyness and is normal for most people to feel at some point. Seasonal Affective Disorder is the absolute pain of the soul which has us wake up to another morning of gray darkness and want to pull the covers over our tender frozen limbs.

Why is that not normal though? Do not even those who love to frolic in hell's forgotten ice crystals have mornings where they cannot get out of bed, or one snow storm too many which causes the snow shovel to be inexplicably snapped over the head of a well-meaning neighbour?

But the sun is shining.

I am sure there are those rare few disillusioned souls whose vampiric hatred of all that is good and light would cause them to cast a wearied gaze upon such majesty as our golden heavenly orb provides - but there are not many.

For most this is what life is about - sunshine pushing back darkness to the edge of reality, warmth carving its way through months of rock hard solidified ice, This my friends is the air of hope. It infuses us with the will to survive. It wends its way by snaking tendrils into our despair and awakens dreams.

For soon, we shall swim.

Becoming ME

I am not sure when it happens for most people - probably around five years old we begin to differentiate - to become someone other than an extension of our parents. But then it all slides into societal expectations, status seeking and even employment norms.

I mean, I rebelled, I really did. I was a punk with a pierced ear and a green mohawk. I wore black clothes and a dog collar before EMO even existed. When everyone pierced their ear again, I got two, then three.... and I was unique... Except... Looking back now I realize I was rebelling along a pre-determined track. I was not being original, I was being like my group of friends who were trying to intentionally not fit in because we thought the system was broken. How original. We all dressed alike and listened to the same music, we all ran away from home and experimented with the same drugs. We were SO unique.

As an adult I look at kids and see the same thing happening - them asserting independence by copying. Which is what we all do. We act a certain way to get friends, we answer questions a certain way to get good test scores, we work a certain way to get the money we need to survive... we fit in. Even if it is fitting in the way we actually want to.

If you are lucky, as I am, you tend to gravitate to certain people who see the world from your vantage point. I am a broken person who has dealt with a lot of pain - and I often find myself in the company of those who have loved and lost at most of life. We get each other.

I write and paint and think. That is what I do with my time. So I tend to find myself with other people who are creative thinkers and artists of one sort or another.

But I am closer to death than to birth.

And I still wonder who I am.

Does that ever go away? Do we ever break through the years of conditioning and the years of experience, the peer pressure and hard knocks that have sculpted us? Michelangelo famously described sculpting as releasing the beauty trapped within - and yes I am paraphrasing - so how do do that for ourselves?

Take a long hard look. I know certain truths even if I cannot always explain the psychological processes behind them. For example I love tattoos and piercings. It is just something I am drawn to. I used to only wear Doc Martins and Sandals. I need to go back to that (and Blundstones in the winter) I really love Rum. If I could be any historical person it would be Captain Jack Sparrow. I love to investigate, to see new things, to marvel at the beauty in a starscape. Science Fiction is my creative edge - it makes me think and dream. I always wanted to scuba dive and go to outer space - perhaps for the same sense of exploration. Which is also why I will hop into the car and drive for hours.

I am shy and yet I am outgoing. I am faithful to my friends yet I take unnecessary risks. I love to feel like I am in danger. Almost nothing in the world is black and white to me - and yet when I find something I like I stubbornly cling to it. I really don't care if I make money, I would rather do something new. I just want the money to get the rum, good restaurants, gas for the car, stuff for the ones I love, and trips to Disney.

My thinking has changed and evolved as life goes on - I do not believe there are only two sexual preferences, homo and hetero, I do not believe that love is finite and you can only feel it for one person, I do not believe that someone can or should be just like you.

Now - here is the catch - I do not know if any of that is me - or just the fallout of a lifetime of trying to do what people think I should do, be who people think I should be, live as society expects. You see, even the rebellious stuff might just be me rebelling in the way I think I should, who knows?

But I am trying. Every day I am trying. Trying to find me, trying to let go of others viewpoints, trying to believe that I am this way on purpose and it is a good thing.

I think we all should. Take some time and think about what you like and why. Separate the wheat from the chaff so to speak and be more authentically you. That is who you were intended to be and it is only then that we can find what we have been searching for.  Good Luck!

The Secret History of the Easter Bunny

Nay, nay, nay - say it isn't so! There is a deep dark hidden mysterious allegorical truth behind the Easter Bunny - and it has very little to do with Peter Cottontail hopping down the bunny trail.

NO - the truth is much darker and comes from a time of our past cloaked in mystery and intentional obfuscation. And, (sharply inhaled breath) this cover up was done by the church.

Enter one of the most mysterious and misunderstood religious texts ever - the Smithfield Decretals.

Officially known as the Decretals of Gregory IX, this is a collection of canonical law ordered in the 13th century by Pope Gregory IX. Such collections were fairly common at the time, but what’s bizarre about these decretals is the illustrations that went along with them. 

The Smithfield Decretals were created as an illuminated manuscript which was a style that combined illustrations and flowery calligraphy with the lettering. It was a painstaking and expensive process, because each drawing had to be done by hand. Again, nothing unusual about that; plenty of early religious texts did it. 

But when you dig through the copious illustrations in the Smithfield Decretals, you start finding some very weird things. Scattered throughout the pages are violent scenes of geese lynching a wolf, unicorns and yes, giant rabbits decapitating people.

I believe this is all a forgotten segment of history when our Rabbit Overlords, or Cloverlords as some are want to call them, were creating such havoc due to their hatred of humans in all their subtle guise that the church declared an outright ban on Rabbits in hierarchial authority. This was followed swiftly by the defrocking of the Bishop of Cabbage Patch.

In an attempt to reclaim the hearts and minds of the simple pagan populations the Cloverlords began a campaign of enduring mythology, in which rabbits were not only good, but benevolent - coming through our fields and forest to distribute chocolate and other sugary confections.

After all, if children start to see the giant rabbits as nothing but cheerful characters in spring fashion accessorized vests....they will forget the dark times of conquest.

So be wary, I say! Do not be complicit in this myth that hearkens us back to the brink of subjection! Do not believe in the goodness of rabbits. They are after all nasty feindish creatures with sharp pointy teeth....